If you´re reading this then you already know: I am in Europe. I have been for the last month. And before that I was traveling all round the country, to various interesting and uninteresting places. Some have called me a great world traveler. Some have called me a veteran explorer. Some are even so bold as to dub me ¨Vasco DeGama Resurrected.¨ Others simply know me as a man about town. Others still, they call me ¨Ben, Genius of the West and Far West who knows nothing of the East.¨
To all these admirers and hangers-on I say thanks. And I think it is time that I gave you all something in return for your tireless devotion. You see, when one travels so extensively, one experiences many new things, and one is prone to have Profound Realizations. I wish to impart to you, dear reader, some of these Realizations, so that you may know them without risking world-weariness as I have.
Let us start thusly: I have been many places (as you know) and with many places come many bathrooms, W.C.s, Servicios, outhouses, holes in the ground or what have you. I am a clean man; I shower occasionally, and I brush my teeth twice a day. Sometimes I even floss. But these bathrooms can be dirty, vile places. They might not have decent lighting, or toilet seats. Often, to decrease my total amount of time in the bathroom, I wait patiently, gathering up all my bathroom trips into one Grand Bathroom Trip, where I might use the toilet, wash my face, and brush my teeth all at once (I mean, not like, at exactly the same time, because usually the sink is too far away from the toilet, but I do all that stuff in one trip to the lav). When taking such a Grand Trip, I prepare my toothbrush with toothpaste, I grab a washcloth and some soap, and for a longer trip, I bring a good book (not THE good book mind you, that one´s boring). I like to brush my teeth last, so I set down the toothbrush ever so carefully, making sure it wont tip over, brushing the bristles or the paste against some grimy surface. Then I go about my other chores (also taking care to avoid wet areas when I put my book down). I return to the sink, pick up the toothbrush, and BAM: Profound Realization! The bristles are protected from grime, yes, but the back of the toothbrush is just sitting on that grime. And, here´s the important bit: the back of the toothbrush goes in my mouth too! How many times have I brushed this way? At campground bathrooms and hostel bathrooms and train stations? Dozens! Hundreds!
Yes, reader, it takes many months of travel to discover deep truths such as these. It is my hope that you can benefit from my mistake. I would like to offer a solution to this dire situation, but as yet, I have none. Should I bring some object on which to rest the toothbrush - a buffer zone against the grime? Should I keep the toothbrush in my pocket? If so, do I apply toothpaste beforehand, or do I bring the toothpaste tube with me? Do I take two separate trips the the bathroom?
Alas, each of these attempts has ended in disaster (or an unacceptably inffecient Grand Bathroom Trip). Perhaps after many months more I shall discover the answer. If so, you will be the first to know.
Okay. Enough of my high-falutin´ Ben-the-great-traveler talk. Also, despite my promise of multiple Realizations, this was the only one, and I suspect many of you already knew about it, and maybe even think it´s obvious. But to me it was Profound! So shut up.
It´s a shame, but I can´t post pictures of my trip. I have many lovely photos, and I´m sure you´ll all see them, but internet cafes and library computers and so forth wont let me upload them. Right now, at this very moment, while I´m typing this, and WHILE YOU ARE READING THIS (not really), I am at one of those library computers in Oviedo, Spain. Oviedo is in Asturias, and it is Rich With Tradition. Some Celts settled here some centuries back, and not long after, the dastardly Moors began their conquest of Spain. They almost won too, but Rex (king) Pelayos of Asturias drove them off.
Bah. It´s a good story too, but I just got kicked off this computer. I´ll continue it another time, and impart some of the rest of my adventures.
Adios!
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8 comments:
nice Ben, i really like the writing stlye. perhaps a word of advice on the toothbrush problem... take the tube of paste with you, set the brush on the tube, then paste up and go. its what ive been doing with my brush in my medicine cabinet, cause god knows whats been in there.
also, speaking of good books (and obviously not THE good book, cuz He knows us heathens aren't reading that dribble)i finished bluebeard and it was awesome, and i have subsequently traded it (temporarily) for another vonnegut, called 'sirens of titan.' its good.
thats all. guten tag.
thanks, i liked writing it. maybe i´ll employ that style more often. that´s a good suggestion about the paste, but it makes for one more item i have to carry, which i´m not thrilled about.
sirens is on my list for sure, ´specially now that you recomment it. i´m glad you were able to make a trade. that´s how it should be done with books.
How about this: wear a button down shirt with a pocket, buy a pocket protector (because that will stablize the items and keep them from falling out) and carry the toothpaste and brush in your pocket. A hands&grime-free solution.
So glad my Pagan babies are readers of good books.
Both yours and Dan's writing style brings back memories of Irv. Keep it up guys.
As to the toothbrush problem: continue to pre-paste (I know you are too lazy to make two trips or to bring the tube) and balance the brush end off the edge of the sink or table. That way, the brush head is in mid-air and nothing grody can touch it. But be careful, make sure it's balanced. God know what's been on those floors.
thanks mom. thanks bebe. i love that everyone has their own solutions to toothbrush handling. perhaps my realization was profound after all...
Not sure I would say profound - I picked up on the Obvious Other Side issue right away as I read your blog - and no - I won't shut up.
How great that Bebe also picked up on echos of Irv in your writing styles. I even mentioned to Walter the other day.
that´s awesome to hear. i´ve been told he was good, so i´m happy to follow in his path.
I follow the same toothbrush etiquette as Bebe--and you know how I'm prone to coming up with the best possible way to accomplish elementary tasks. However, allow me to impart a bit of disturbing/disgusting wisdom of a related nature:
All smells come from particles of the smelly object floating around in the air. Furthermore, for those trips where you would need a book, things tend to get smelly on occasion. One can't really help the breathing part, but one can put the toothbrush in an area not exposed to the same air circulating about during the aforementioned bathroom activity. If one doesn't, one permits onesself to the possibility of brushing with poop. Thus, two rules should be implemented to avoid this scenario: 1. Always make separate trips for "reading" and brushing. 2. Keep the toothbrush in the medicine cabinet (propped up, of course) for any cases where someone else might be using the bathroom to "read."
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